God, when did sorry start sounding so trite? I can't say things like that. Anyway, I'm semi-happy, semi-blue. I went to college the other day. It was a little surreal. The sun was almost gone and some guys were playing football. The building was tube-lit, and gloomy as usual, like the day we went to collect our marks. It was also a bit like film-club just got over and we were getting ready to leave for home. The benches were gone of course, but the building-side was still the same. I half expected the two-year old literary club notice put up by my senior still to be there. It wasn't. I don't know what goes on in college anymore. That lit quiz was almost a symbol, cult-like. Anyway, I was walking over the lawn, feeling this strange feeling - where for a moment I couldn't decide whether I was in school or college or in Cal or in Pune - I had lost all sense of space and time. K was with me, but not quite, and he made matters more confusing. What was he doing here, anyway? But then this place was his as much as it was mine, maybe even more so. But still, where did he fit into the picture?
College during evening, has always been a little weird. I've always felt like I've belonged to this place, but only to a certain extent. Of all the places I've studied, I know I love this the most - but it's like it doesn't love me back, strange as it may sound. It's like everyone else seems like they're at the right place, and I want to believe that I am at the right place too - but I'm not, not quite. Despite those warm afternoons on the grass, those classes, those conversations, classic, delights - I don't know, I really don't know. Maybe it was just the time, that purply time of the day, when everything just feels flat melancholic, like waking up startled during dusk. I hate that. And I just stood there with K, who's always kind of been around during moments of deep contemplation without quite realising it, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't miss the place, because I never quite left it - and it all seemed a little pointless - like, we were waiting for some big answer to come to us right there in front of the lending library, when everything was, as a matter of fact, a damp squib. And then the bugger tells me, 'you should totally love'. Yes, well, I probably should. But man, that statement could have waited. Because I just blabbered on about X, which was completely unecessary and stupid and I didn't know whether I meant a word of what I said. It was like disturbing a moment of perfect banal realisation with pretention. But pretention is the order of the day it seems.
Anyway, a little while later, I was on my way home - taking the same old metro-auto route, and taking the metro at 6 o'clock is probably a stupid thing to do, just in order to refresh memories. Stuffed between smelly armpits, I patiently waited for my stop to come, and when it did, it again felt like I had never left any of this - that I was still 19, and I was still waiting for the big bad world to happen to me. I guess it happened to all of us. But when I look at K, I still see that 15 year old boy I met with the sideburns and dreams, who still talks excitedly about regular things, and turns everything into a philosophy. And I know, I'm not alone in these things.

picture by Amitabha Banerjee

Room no. 315

To begin at the beginning, here's Nicole's song:
I love you
You love me
Ho-mo-sexu-ality
They all think that we are friends
They don't know we're les-bi-ans.

From L to R: Wondergirl, Shaggy, Psycho Sudu, Nicola

W: Boobs!
Shaggy: Woah, wha?
Sud: Ooh, porn on my laptop.
Nicola: Oh whatddo we have here? Vouyer op.


W: See mine, here? They're the real deal.
Shaggy: See, you'll never know how good mine are till you feel them with both hands. Like so.
Sudu: Oh yeah, babeh.
Nicola: Hahahahaha, idiots, everyone knows I'm the Hottttest.

And to conclude: it's not what it looks like. It's so much more :)

It's funny how your deepest fear can be your deepest desire. Not funny, funny - but you know.

Fuck the pretention. It would be nice to stripped, ugly, raw, just a piece of bloody flesh. It would be swell. You know, whimpering aloud - wanting to be hated or loved. Even as my tongue trips over redundant pieces of talk, the same, the same, the same all the time - I feel okay, because I see the complacent cushioning that I snuggle up against. And I sleep okay at night.
You're a happy thought on a restless day, V. Sometimes I wish you weren't such a bastard and I wasn't such a fool. But I'm glad anyway. Let's ride together somewhere someday.

(Sudu try not to roll your eyes - remember I'm only 13).

Just came back from Rishikesh. That's where I was for the Pujas. We went white water rafting. My entire family. Which was fun, really. And then we all jumped into the river and nearly died of cold, but whatsapoint of rafting if you aren't putting your life on the edge a bit? Anyway, many backbreaking journeys later(the roads, are quite literally the pits) - and also some work that entailed feeding cows, I'm back home. We also had hot crispy jalebis every morning, which needless to say, did wonders for my waistline. But then again, I'm kinda happy, cause I fit into these pair of jeans that I used to fit into way back in '05. It's not much, but then, happiness is all about the little things, right?

Am home. I don't blog anymore. I write in a diary. Which is fun, but I miss the attention once in a while. I don't think there's much to see here anymore, other than some random scraps of information, which'll sound corny, euphemistic and very contextual. So, I'll just, make this pretty. Put in some art and shit. Okay?

This is the comic book work I've been working on - but really randomly.

There's some stuff inbetween - like storywise, but yeah, this is it so far. Done during classes out of extreme boredom and a little inspiration from here and there.

One of the reasons why Pune has become bearable, and even a tad exciting, is because of a creature who looks (and this is a sudden realisation!) a bit like this. Damaged, therefore desired.

This is something I get to do a lot of. Both travelling by auto and taking pictures. There was an exhibition recently, but honestly, it could have been better.

This is a dead frog. Just thought you might like to see one. I found it in this pretty place I went to recently.

This is one of my coolest acquisitions. I just got it. I love it.

Another aquisition. But relax. It's the soft copy.

More later.