Up the shit creek without a paddle

Right then. The comp refuses to get wi-fied. Maybe it hates this place as much as I do. Two weeks, right? Yeah. Hate it. And tomorrow will be the final nail in the coffin. I like the hostel. I like some people. But it's the work that depresses me most. I remember reading Leo's blogpost and thinking, fuck man - I'm not getting into this. I'm not going to waste two years of my life kissing ass and doing general shit. I'll travel, I'll read, I'll shutterbug, paint - do whatever - but do what I like. And yesterday, while talking to Sud, I realised how I failed myself in every possible way. As a student, as a person - man, in every way, in every fucking way. I hate here. I hate now. And I don't particularly like myself. U said (U is not 'you', but a friend I made here) - you need the cynisism. You need to think 'the establishment' sucks and you need to poke yourself a lot, so that when you step out of this glass palace, you won't hurt easy. Maybe. But the very thought of spending the next two years of my life being miserable and alienated is slightly disconcerting. And I'm just not like that. I don't fight people, and I rebel rarely. Just give me my mindspace, and I'm a happy kid. I don't have any mindspace. I am not at all a happy kid.

I don't miss much funnily. I'm okay with being away from home and all that. But I'm really not okay with a shitload of disappointments. I need my fix of happiness man. I need to read the Telegraph in the morning and I need to surf through the net to search for useless Take That news. That's my fundamental ditzy right, right?

The other day we had a surprise birthday party in our room for N. Funny how the room has become everyone's hangout. Of course, entry is exclusive. But that night was kinda pro bono. Everyone came. It was fun till it got too much - and some people posed at me with cell phone cameras and asked me to play guitar. Nighmarish. And I do believe there was hip hop in the dark. And also some uninvited creepoids. Then I ran to U's room. A little later ever N was there - while the others kept at it. Weird. We all know they came for the cake. Heh. Anyway. We need shit like this once in a while. It's morbid here. Seriously morbid.