Went to Preeta's bari today. Preeta is a Mallick. Haha. As in, besh boro pujo in her bari and all that. It was fun seeing it all happen. It was like parar pujo only with barir people. And the thakur was one of the prettiest thakurs I've seen in a long time. Very kind and Ma-Ma.
Then I went to my old para and well, it was like going back home after a really long time - all the poribeshon, Baba's "bolo dugga mai ki joy", mondope boshe - stage-e boshe adda...the typical para stuff.
But it wasn't the same. Not with the dhak-dhol-Pujo-smell-and-sweetness. Nothing was the same. It was one of those rare Pujos where I felt no excitement, no great joy. It was all good, but it was like any good day I think. I guess it's because I miss Ammai, and well... so much has changed, so many have changed. I've grown up to look like a mother of three, friends are scattered all over, I have a new para (haha, yeah right), and we're all so much older and cynical. But I'm hoping it's just the weather and this year in general. I'm hoping all this Bangali pride we have over Durga Pujo isn't just a whole bunch of words and mindless expenditure devoid of true spirit. Because I could have sworn I felt it before, sitting on my Baba's shoulders and dangling my legs, singing, Asche bochor abar hobe, and Baba whistling and dancing...aaages ago. It does exist I know.