Peek-a-boo

Found it. Lost it again. Christmas Spirit baybeh. Dhur.
I'm so fake these days that, even the other fake people are starting to look a lot less faker. And some fake people do that to you - look all vindicated and correct and good coppish. And you feel shallower than ever, while they do noble things like save humanity and stuff. Arrgh.
Had a dream of the downstairs dog, who used to wake me up from my sleep sometimes. I wish she were alive and I were loved unconditionally.
This year I got everything I deserved. Good or bad. It was all justified.
But somewhere down the year, I stopped feeling anything. Like last year, when I heard the choir, I felt all goosepimply and happy. This year, I did too, but only towards the end. Initially, I just felt empty and unable to react. Just like during the results, which refused to feel like a big deal in my head, but perhaps it was. Or like the play, where I felt nothing, when everyone cheered during the final drumroll, or wished each other luck. I had to try really hard to feel anything at all.
This has been a year of some pretty heavy losses. But mainly the loss of spirit.